No. 2 The Crollalanza theory

The Italian (with promise) (brackets necessary) was a consultant two years older than me, whom I had met on an online app, I believe we ‘crossed paths’ and were thus destined to get dinner together. He was one of those you meet virtually, and then when they appear in real life, he was totally different than what I expected. Not bad, not good, just different. First of all, he was blond, and in my naïvetés (yes at 32) I somehow reasoned that all Italians had dark brown hair. His accent was nearly entirely missing as well, which was odd given he lived in London for only six months before we met. Before that he was in Moscow for two years, working for a consulting firm. I had asked him, ‘how did you cope with the language barrier’, and he explained how in six months of practice he could converse and understand Russian well, and after a year he was fluent. Who was this genius?! Who hops off to Moscow to work for a Russian company and learns Russian while doing it – in their mid-thirties. Isnt he tired? I’m tired just thinking about his journey.

We went to a Turkish restaurant first; I always think it’s awkward to go straight into eating, especially as you’ve just met this person, and on top of that you need to interact with a waiter, and attempt to pass off to them that you know the other stranger. I also don’t like having to be ‘ladylike’ with my portions, manners are fine – I can put on a good show (not enough for the Queen or anything). But having to eat slower and more controlled, and without getting food on my face/shirt/lap is depressing and takes all enjoyment out of it. I normally end up back at home with my head hanging on the fridge consuming everything in site.

Back to the date. We got on well; it was clear he was one of those intellectuals who struggled mildly with social interactions, but he certainly did his best. My major qualms were that he moved around quite a bit and I wasn’t his normal type at all (he stated it was an Eastern European model), but I really enjoyed our chats. We met again twice, but each time, as we ate, I would look at him and think – can I kiss this person? Can I sleep with this person? He wore a black leather jacket that had seen better days on our last date, which for some reason was extremely off putting. After three dates, we hadn’t progressed either mentally or physically, it felt that we were on a merry go round of learning the same few facts about each other. He was also exceptionally late for our third date, by nearly an hour; I let it slide as I truly felt he had a good heart and wasn’t in control of his circumstances. Regardless, by the third date, either of us should have been ‘sticking it on’ the other. I felt that we were more like friends.

With a heavy and unsure heart, I kindly let him know that I wasn’t sure how I felt, if I felt anything, and queried whether we should meet again. In his adult robustness he said to me, that it had only be three dates, and it was his intention to get to know me more. I declined. I have always regretted that. I suppose if he had persevered I would have as well, but he didn’t pursue me ever again. No texts, accidental calls, nothing. And thus brings me to one of my largest dating queries. Do you continue dating someone when your feelings haven’t progressed because they are ‘good on paper,’ hoping that at some point soon your feelings flip a switch? Is that cruel to them if you walk away further down the line, wasting their time and yours? I find it nearly impossible to continue to meet someone if I’m sure there is nothing there, even if they have 40 million in assets (which one of them had – gave that one a good try though, two months until I gave up!).

A year later and I still think about the Italian (with promise). In the three dates we had he had seemed such lovely good person…should I have tried harder?